The Decade to Adulting

I cannot talk about the end of 2019 without talking about the end of the decade! This decade has been the best moments of my life mixed with the lowest season and moments in my life. This decade I have experienced an array of emotions from the most joyous to the most depressing! I've had the greatest faith and doubted the most in this decade. In this decade I learned what God's grace truly is and how much He loves us.

I have watched marriages that I thought would never end end, and I got married. I watched people I grew up with transition to Heaven and have met and birthed new people.I lost the most the weight then gained back over and above. I graduated from college, started a business, made some dope things, taught elementary (good Lord), lived in a different city all on my own, and lived all over my home city. I ran from ministry to walking away from everything to pursue ministry. I watched my younger siblings get married and have babies, and even gained more siblings (ha). I've shouted as i witnessed God do the most insane things, but I also shouted at God when things did not work out as I thought it should have. I went from being a stay at home mom to a working mom to both. I fell for my best friend, married him, and have watched him become an amazing man of God, husband and father.

A few things I learned from this decade:

1. As a believer in Christ, I know this is not my home! My home is in Heaven. As I experienced great people of faith and young children die on this earth, the one thing that strengthens me is this belief. I will see them again! They are not gone, but they have transitioned from this world to the next. It still hurts, especially for those of us that are Feelers, and can feel the grief of others. I often retreat when it happens unexpectedly or when I have hoped for God to do the impossible. I am one of the ones crazy enough to believe God still raises people from the dead. My emotions are tough to work through when I don't see the outcome I expected. Then there are times that God very plainly says, "This is their time, and you have to release them!" How do you encourage a family, when God has spoken to you what will happen?

2. Depression and mental health are real! When I was younger, I believed it was something you could just pray away. Going through postpartum depression, myself, and watching those around me deal with different sorts of depression, I realized there are more steps to healing from depression or stabilizing one's emotions. Could this be a thorn some have been given( "there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me-- to keep me from exalting myself!" 2 Corinthians 12:7)? I asked God if this was my thorn. If so, I did not want to have more children. The world we live in is broken and is not as God has intended. There are different physical factors that feed into one's mental health, and most times you cannot just pray away the thoughts. I found this out as the thought to take my own life came to me during postpartum in 2015.

3. No matter what you choose to do, God has a plan for you. No matter how many times I ran from my "calling", the moment I told God I wanted to be in full obedience to Him, He brought me back to the place He purposed for me in the beginning. Nothing else satisfied me or made me feel fulfilled. I was just coasting in life until I decided to surrender. That surrender brought up the ugliness of the mess I truly was. That surrender showed me I did not know who God was as I thought I did. In the midst of the ugly truth, God showed me just how much He loved me, us, and how He did not make a mistake when He chose me. He calls us by name and knows how He wants to use us to make a difference in others lives. It is not about us at all!

4. Comparison is a crafty devil that will have you doubting the things God spoke about you and have you trying to do what others are doing! Enough said! The explanation is in the statement (lol).

This decade has been a serious learning experience for me, and I am ready for all God has for me in 2020 and the next decade! There are promises that God will fulfill and this is a year of clear vision and clarity. I'm ready to grow and to fulfill purpose!