Brokenness Mended By Grace: Part VI
- D. Michelle
- Sep 30, 2016
- 4 min read
On the Subject of Worth
Back in high school, I began having these thoughts, thoughts that seemed to come from nowhere. They were sexual thoughts and thoughts you would not think a virgin would have. In school I was known as the church girl, the stuck up girl, the girl that won’t give it up, and whatever else guys and girls called me.
If they really knew the demons I had to fight in my head, I do not think they would have looked at me the same. Although I was raised in church, I did not know how to get rid of these thoughts tormenting my mind. I knew they were wrong. I even knew in the scripture it said to resist the devil and he would flee. I resisted him.
I didn’t date or have any real physical interactions with guys. It was in my college years that I even had my first kiss. I tried to keep myself guarded, but these thoughts would continue to pull at me as a thorn in my flesh.
Prior to the thoughts, God gave me a vision of me taking two different roads that caused a desire in me to be sold out for God. I knew it would be this sexual sin the enemy would try to blind me with.
By the time I left high school, I had a true relationship with God and knew I would be okay. Going to college, I thought I knew who I was and was sure of my purpose. Little did I know, there were greater attacks that would come my way.
It was in my state of hurt, vulnerability, and loss of who I thought I was that I let a nice smile and athletic body distract me. I fell for the Jocks sweet words and country accent. It was a close call. He had opened Pandora’s Box, and I was ready to give myself to him. He would not take it, but the next guy did. I created all these standards and in the blink of an eye, they were lowered along with my worth for myself.
No matter how much it was wrong, no matter how much I tried to let go, and no matter how long my list of standards were, the moment I gave into Satan’s attack, was the moment that particular person became the only thing I wanted. When I tried to stop or leave, the soul ties would not let me.
The whole time I was trying to give myself away and pick up the broken pieces after mistakes I made, God placed a friend in my life that would remind me of who and whose I was. He never tried anything. He did not have ulterior motives for being my friend. He was not perfect or the holiest person on earth, but he saw my heart and love for God.
He thought that I was worth being put on a pedestal and treated with special care. In all of the years of friendship, he was there for me. Anything I needed or wanted, he would try to take care of it. When I was at my lowest, he reminded me of the scripture that I once told him and let me know that I was worth more than all I was settling for.
It was that same guy that thought I was even too good for him. It was the way I carried myself and in the way I spoke that he gained much respect for me. It was not until I lowered my standards and worth to get my heart broken that I realized what had been in front of me all along.
I would hope you who are reading this would not forget you worth, wasting your time on guys who disrespect it. If you have, I pray that you would allow God to heal you and show you who you are before you give your heart away again. Your worth is far above rubies, and the guy who will treat you as such will not be the guy you show off your body to or the guy you feel like you have to give yourself physically to. (Read Proverbs 31:10 and 31:30)
The one that loves you and cares for you as just a platonic friend, the one that respects you when you give him no physical play, the guy who reminds you of what God says about you, and the guy that loves your heart for God, that is the guy you should hold onto. Keep yourself grounded and in God’s heart. When you are busy with your eye on God, God will send the right one. When he sends that one, don’t forget whose you are, who you are, and all you are worth. Never lose sight of God’s purpose for your life.
Never put up with any kind of abuse, whether it is physical, mental, or verbal. You do not deserve it! You are better than that!
You’ve Already Been Accepted
Many of us, both men and women, will lower our standards and “take what we can get” just to feel accepted by someone. The greatest news I can give you is this: You are ALREADY accepted. (Read 1 Corinthians 6:20 and Ephesians 2:10)
God accepted each and every one of us the day Jesus died on the cross. He is waiting for us to accept Him, tapping into the most fulfilling relationship in life.
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