Keeping the Fire and Intimacy After Baby

I have heard so many times that having children are where marriages go to die. That is not necessarily true. It happens to people only when they forget their priorities and forget to be intentional about their marriage.

I believe some people stop being intentional about their marriage as soon as they say I do. The two people feel like they have one another so there is no need to dress up for their spouse or the man no longer chases his wife as he once did. They get so busy with life they don’t even go on dates and spend quality time with one another. When they are spending time together, it's an argument on the things about their spouse that irritates them. This couple let their marriage go way before the kids came along.

Be Intentional

We must be intentional about everything in life. Somehow we’ve come to this thinking that everything should come quick and easy to us. Do you go to your job expecting to nap all day? Why do we expect relationships to not be work? With your friendships, family relationships, and marriage alike, you have to be intentional with your time, communication and love.

Marriage takes dedication and a commitment that is not meant for the weak. Before and after children we have to carve out quality time with our spouse. That quality time consists of date nights, talking about your day, discussing family expectations, and communicating your goals and aspirations to one another.

It is also important to remember to invest in your spouse's love bank. That takes finding out what your spouse's love language is; these are the acts that you can do to show your spouse you care about them. Men, moms appreciate when you help out around the house and with the baby and children. Not only will they be more rested and available for sex/physical intimacy, they will also want to do some of the things you like to do that they may not prefer. She also likes to be wooed. Women, men are visual beings. I know sometimes you feel like just being in sweats with your hair pulled back. As a new mom, I know what it is like to get all cute just to get puked or pooped on. I’m not saying to dress up for your man everyday, but remember you want him to stay attracted to you.

Be intentional about the schedules and promises you make. Your priority and first ministry starts at home. Be intentional about your prayer time apart and together as husband and wife and as a family. Be intentional about how you talk to one another, especially in front of your kids and people outside the home. If you do not speak to each other out of respect and love, you cannot expect others to respect your spouse. You also want to be a Godly, good example of what marriage should look like to your kids. I'm not saying being fake. Do not shower your spouse with love and respect in front of people, then call them out of their name and degrade them behind closed doors. Be intention in front of people and behind closed doors.

Start Off With Good Habits

Don’t allow that baby to sleep in your bed. Once you allow it, they won’t want to leave and you may not be able to break the habit until that child is 5 years old. As a baby, my daughter slept in a bassinet near the bed, but my husband would never have it and for good reasons. Make you bed one of the things you are not willing to share with the kids. You will thank me, I promise!

Show your kids, as they get older, that your spouse is the most important person in the household. Before the children came along there was your spouse. When the children leave to go off for college and start families of their own, it will be you two left together. You and your spouse must show your children you are one united front that cannot be divided.

Just remember every marriage has stages, but it is possible for all marriages to get better. It just takes work, but the work is worth it. Don’t forget about each other and let your marriage die after having children.

#FAMILY #MARRIAGE